Most of my Bible Study time this week was spent preparing for a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) presentation.  I had a wonderful morning at Southcrest Baptist Church in Lubbock and I thank them for the opportunity to speak there.  They are a wonderful group of ladies.  Here are my notes from that presentation about "relating to your child":

What does "relate" really mean?

1.  to have a significant connection

2.  to understand and respond to someone

synonyms:  connecting, linking, involving, concerning

The actual word "relate" is used in the Bible to show relationship, as in "I am related to her", or to tell a story, as in "he related the facts to the king."  I could not find anywhere, verses that told us how to "relate" to our children.  We are, however, told to do several other things.  I believe that by being obedient to God's directions to parents, we will experience the relationship that we desire as a by product - a natural result.  Don't get me wrong - relating to your child is important, but it is not THE goal.  I believe it is a result of pursuing God's goal for our children.

What is God's goal for our children?  Let's look at man that God calls blessed . . .

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.  And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.  Psalm 1:1-3

I find 2 main things here and then the desired result.  1 - this blessed man (woman) does not practice sin or tempt themselves by flirting with a sinful lifestyle.  2 - the blessed man (woman) delights in the law of the Lord and its precepts dwell continually in his heart and mind.  The result:  the blessed man (woman) has strong roots, abundant fruit, resilience, and prosperity.  As parents, I believe that we would agree that God's example of a blessed man is a worthwhile goal for our children - a goal that would be in keeping with God's will.

Let's look at 2 examples of grown men in the Bible and think back on the parents that raised them . . .

Hophni & Phinehas:  Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial (worthlessness or evil); they knew not the Lord. . . Now Eli was very old, and heard all that his sons did unto all Israel . . .And he said unto them, "Why do you do such things?  I hear of your evil dealings . . . "  And God said to Eli, " . . . your heart will grieve and all the increase of your house will die in the flower of their age."   Taken from 1 Samuel 2.

Daniel:  The king desired "children in whom was no blemish, but well favoured, and skillful in all wisdom, and cunning in knowledge, and understanding science, and such as had ability in them to stand in the king's palace, and whom they might teach the learning and the tongue of the Chaldeans." . . . Now among these children was Daniel . . . but Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's meat, or with the wine which he drank: therefore he requested  . . . that he might not defile himself. . . .and the king communed with them and among them all was found none like Daniel . . . and in all matters of wisdom and understanding . . . he found them 10 times better than all the magicians and astrologers that were in all his realm. Taken from Daniel 1.

Eli's sons grieved him and they did, indeed, die at a young age.  Somewhere along the way, Eli missed the training and teaching that would have made blessed men of his sons.  That is not the kind of relationship we would desire with our children.  Daniel, on the other hand, went on to do great things for God.  We don't know his parents, but we can just imagine how proud they would have been of their son who stood so strongly for the principles in which he was raised - even in a foreign land and under the rule of a foreign king.  He truly exemplifies the blessed man of Psalm 1.  On the opposite end of our parenting, as parents of grown children, I'm sure we would prefer children like Daniel.  The training of these blessed men does not just happen.  I'm sure his mom began when she was a MOPS and he was just a babe to work toward the goal of raising a blessed man of God.

How do we help our children achieve this goal?

"Fathers (and mothers) do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."  Ephesians 6:4

There are 3 specific directions that we can take from this passage that will guide us in our parenting so that our children will be blessed . . .

1.  Talk to God - I use the word "talk" loosely - meaning to be in constant communication with God.  I know that this verse does not say specifically to pray, but it does tell us not to provoke our children to anger.  Only God can make their hearts receptive to our teaching.  Only God can lead us in effective training and teaching.  We must talk to God . . . . and we must listen to His voice.  We must seek His direction in the Bible.  We must LIVE in Him.

Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, except it abide in the vine;  no more can you, except that you abide in me.  John 15:4

2.  Train your child - by training I mean discipline.  The verse in Ephesians says to "bring them up in the discipline . . . of the Lord."  And not just punishment.  Training.  When a coach trains a tennis player, he doesn't just punish him when he does something wrong (which would be most often in a very young player), he trains him in the proper way to play - how to hold his racket, how to swing, how to watch the ball, how to hit the ball.  Yes, he does correct him, but an effective coach is most concerned with training right behavior, not just correcting or punishing wrong behavior.  He helps the player to establish self-control and good technique.

Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

3.  Teach your child - by teaching I mean introducing our children to the world and all that is in it through the eyes of God - a practical application of Biblical principles.  Ephesians 6:4 says to "bring them up in the . . . instruction of the Lord."  We must not only teach them God's word, we must teach them to see our world from a Biblical perspective.  Every moment is a privilege and an opportunity for you and your child to grow together in God's wisdom and understanding.

And these words, which I command you this day, shall be in your heart:  And you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up.  Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (continued also in 8-9).

Finally, Realize the importance of Time - we do not see the results of these efforts over night.  We must be continually committed to obedience in our parenting, allowing God time and space to work in the hearts of our children.  It is a constant and demanding job, but one with great reward - if we will but persevere. 

For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.  Isaiah 28:10. 

We must seek God daily - training our children in obedience and teaching them according to God's Word.  If we are obedient in these things, then the relationship that we so desire with our children will be a natural result of our growth (and theirs).  We will be blessed as parents and our children will be well on their way to becoming the blessed men (and women) described in Psalm 1.